wolverine origans



For my first film review I have chosen the masterpiece that is wolverine X-Men Origans now if any of you follow me on twitter you will know I have nothing but love and respect for Hugh Jackman, the man can do no wrong in my eyes, I mean the way he's played a man who has no real idea who he is or his past by never reading a comic is just an amazing way to play a character I mean who needs to read about a character that deep and means so much to so many, besides comics are for kids and 30 year old virgings who still live in their mothers basements and in every single performance as wolverine that’s exactly how Jackman has played him.

we start off with young Jackman killing his a man who killed his father who actually happens to be his real father with the pointy hands and is forced to go on the run with his brother Sabretooth (dumb fucking name for a kid) they live like immortals gods killing and raping anyone who gets in their way because wolverine is a good guy like that he happily sits back and lets his big brother kill and rape any woman or man that takes his fancy. eventually after the tenth firing squad they get asked to join weapon hex by Stryker from mortal kombat, who is a team that are getting paid to kill and rape for the US government in covert operations like in metal gear solid without that floppy haired cunt Raiden.

So they meet up with Deadpool, blob, the english guy from lost and the singer from a band whose music is so bad it would make deaf people tell you turn it the fuck off. eventually wolverine gets tired of everyone killing except from him and walks away from the team causing his brother to go into shock and cut his nails which seems to be his only power, but that’s a good thing that’s what meg from family guy had when she had powers and if she was real I'd totally do her. so Logan goes and screws silver fox and tries to put it behind him by running away to the forest with a silver fox but she leaves him (the bitch) fortunately she stank so bad good old Jackman can smell her and traces her back to Stryker who wants to coat his bones in silver and wipe his memory but Jackman isn’t having it and wakes all wet and muscly like a camp Bruce Banner dying for a shit.
    

aww look at the cute kitty

 

 

from this point on the film gets confusing and I can’t tell whose chasing who mostly because I had to top myself up on the vodkas because consuming alcohol is the only thing adds to the greatness of this movie and I was laughed like a school girl at gambit and his magic pole. That singer dies but at least his acting was as good as his singing and I nearly pissed myself when happened, it sooo funny, how many people are dumb enough to teleport into a bag ladies hands? I blame fergie and her singing through gritted teeth on London Bridge, if that isn’t distracting when using mutant powers I don’t know what is.

Let us for a second move away from the plot and examine the relationship between Liev Schrieber and Hugh Jackman. Here you have 2 men, actors if you will, one who accepts his nature the other in total denial but only at peace when he lets the animal out and kills when it becomes too much, one knows who he is and the other has no idea of his past, these two men polar opposites of each other destined to battle endlessly till the end of time in pure hatred always trying but never succeeding to kill each other. All of this was conveyed in this movie.

 

just look at thoughs nails

 

 

 

Indeed Schreiber brings a level of character development this writer hasn’t seen since Howard the duck last Tuesday when I had that awesome take away from the golden fish bar, can’t beat its fried rice look it up. Take Sabretooth from the comic, he's just an animal he can barely speak and has blonde hair, just goes about killing stuff because that’s his thing, Schreiber decided to soften the character to a Shakespearian level. He really understands who he is and why he does the things he does with lines like "you going to let me in?" and "what do you care?" every time he came on the screen my attention was totally focused on him. Just marvellous.

By far the best thing in this whole movie is what they did with Deadpool, who needs to see a faithful adaptation of a character that the fans have been waiting years for, sewing up the mouth of a character who won’t shut up, stroke...of...genius! and the internet and everyone who's ever paid for that movie all agree, of course it has it critics but with a movie this detailed and intricate its almost like a religious doctorate you will always get people who won’t agree on how to deal what is truth.

 

loook everyone its deadpool, say hi!

 

 The film ends with Jackman killing everyone and taking a magic bullet to his brain that gives him amnesia and causes Stryker to gain a southern accent for X-Men 2

yes the film has its issues, you know the music, the acting, the fact its ruined some classic literature, the direction, production, editing, script, casting, the special effects, character development, too many animals, not enough sexual chemistry for gambit, the sky not being blue enough in one scene, Patrick Stewart turning up with a face so rubber a gimp wouldn’t wear it because it looked too weird, but if you can get over all of that its a fucking classic, I'd even go so far and say it’s the citizen Cain of the comic book movies, not that I’ve ever watched citizen Cain but it does have a clit joke in it so it can’t be that bad.

my only complaint and it is a major one is the credits are fucking awful, they screwed up the lettering so bad and..... well to be honest I'd sobered up by that point so because of this major issue I give it very low half a bottle of blue wkd out of 5, and that’s just for Ryan Reynolds because he was in blade 3 as Deadpool.